A Little Bit of Peril

For two weeks last winter, the air was so thick with pollution that you couldn’t see the mountains from 2 miles away. Doctors were recommending breathing through clothing if people had to go outside. On the radio, they said that there were particulates in the air the thickness of a human hair.

Global Warming, in my opinion, is something we should act on. On Nova the other day, they had a special on Global Warming that was quite persuasive; in fact, it said that there is another factor; Global Shading, which is the particulates in the air shading the earth from sunlight, and partially mitigating the warming effects of sunlight-trapping CO2.

But here is my bottom line: whether you believe Global Warming is happening or not, why would you want to continue putting that crap into the air you breathe, the water you drink, and the food you eat? Ever inhaled a nice big breath of exhaust? Not exactly “fresh,” was it?

What do SUV drivers say to their children when they ask where the mountains went, when they ask why mommy is practically smothering them on the way to the car? Do they say “well, honey, your parents wanted a go-anywhere, do-anything vehicle, even though she won’t do either, and the car took the mountains away and made your air toxic” Or will they simply putter along, filling up every mile or so, and buy the kids some “hello kitty” face masks?

I love the Geico Gecko. I LOVE him.

Gun Control. Abortion. Drugs. Pick your favorite, politicians pick your stance.

Customize your combo-politician; this one is tough on Drugs and Guns, Pro-Life. This one is a .45-totin’ pro-choicer. Would you like to Super Size? You can add a loosely-defined protestant religion for a little less common sense.

It is easy to be a politician, because these issues don’t really matter. In fact, the longer these “Issues” are in the spotlight, the easier it becomes to sell yourself to the angry masses. The war in Iraq is the ultimate unfixable “issue.”

People are angry about drugs, about pornography, abortion, crime, war, and even politics. People are angry and they want someone to fix their problems for them.

I had a discussion with a friend of mine not long ago; I used to be idealogical and I used to believe these were the real “issues” of the day. My friend was a hunter, and we were talking about gun control. And he explained to me, in a way I had never thought about before, that it is too late for gun control. The guns are out there; what are we going to do? Make everyone turn them back in? Who would turn them in and who wouldn’t?

Firearm-involved crimes, abortion, drugs, and all the other “hot buttons” are just symptoms of a diseased society at best. At worst, they are smokescreens so politicians never have to talk about fixing something that is actually fixable.

We want it to be simple. We want our lives to be simple. Pick your combo meal, pick your politician, don’t put too many items on the menu; we don’t have time to do any real research.

Abortion will NOT be stopped by making it illegal. It will be stopped through education, available, affordable birth control, and parents taking accountability for teaching their kids appropriate sexual boundaries and to value their bodies and themselves.

Gun crimes will not be stopped by taking away all the guns. Firearm fingerprinting technology might help, but ultimately, it is about improving our society at its core, not picking away at the little problems arising from it.

And drugs? Drugs are the ultimate reflection of the sickness at the core of our culture; Drugs make every problem go away. Drugs make life perfect, for the moment you are high. Drugs are the ultimate easy fix, and until people learn that easy fixes don’t really fix anything, Drugs will not go away. Until personal accountability and accepting consequences become traits we not only expect from everyone else, but from our children and ourselves, the sickness at the center of our culture will not be cured.

These problems will go away when parents take total responsibility for their children. When they teach them to love themselves and love their bodies. Teach them to make good choices and how to deal with the crap that life doles out. When they teach their children their own values and morals. When they don’t assume someone else will show kids how to be good people. And when parents are no longer making those bad choices themselves, because apples rarely fall far from their trees.

As a society, our dependence on pharmaceuticals has become completely unreasonable.

Sales of Oxycontin outpace all other medications, and the numbers of all opiate-type painkillers combined could have the entire population high as a kite. When did people become so intolerant of pain that only the strongest pain relievers are acceptable? When did the slightest cough warrant cough syrup with codiene? When did doctors stop asking questions and start prescribing the pain a-bomb at the first mention of discomfort?

Working with substance abusers, I will often find that they are given prescriptions for drugs of abuse with little or no questions asked. Pain? Have 60 Oxys. Just sell whatever you don’t use.

Don’t get me wrong; I am the ultimate advocate for holding people accountable. Hold them accountable I do; it’s my job. But with the ever-increasing numbers of painkiller abuse, addiction and overdose in this country, why isn’t EVERYONE accountable?

Personally, opiate-type pain meds do little for me except make me sleepy. perhaps that is why I prefer Ibuprofen 800s and other non-narcotic alternatives. My question? Why aren’t those the standard? Why don’t they start with that and work their way up?

And it doesn’t stop with painkillers…

Doctors don’t ask questions. They don’t take the time to get to know their patients. They don’t discuss options or prescription management or the dangers of mixing meds with other drugs. People want the quick fix, and doctors provide it. We have a culture of quick fixes with little concern for consequences of doing it the easy way, because that’s the way we like it.

Alli, the now-OTC, was-prescription weightloss drug is sold in bulk at Costco. Alli works by blocking the absorption of fats, causing oily diarrhea and potentially anal leakage. I may want to be thinner right now, but not at the cost of my dignity. Taken long-term, it can also cause deficiencies in fat-soluble vitamins, such as D and E.

The worst offender? Herbal Supplements. I cannot even remember how often I have been advised by friends, coworkers, and even my mother to take some supplement or other. What they don’t know is that, thanks to my favorite Senator Hatch and some others in the 1994 Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act, Herbal Supplements are almost completely unregulated. They are considered a food item, and are required only to meet those standards for labelling. There is no regulation of purity, potency, effectiveness, or even safety. Oh, but since you know how many calories each tablet contains, it must be safe. In fact, the FDA must prove that a supplement is UNSAFE before it can take any regulatory action.

I have a cold. I go to the pharmacy and look at the 1000 or so cold meds on the shelf. Some are behind the counter now; the makers of Claritin D recently ran an ad campaign bragging about not having changed their formula to no longer contain any ephedra-type drug. They were bragging about contributing to our country-wide meth addiction. Domestic Methaphetamine production has diminished immensely since ephedrine products were required to be behind the pharmacy counter, of course, but now they’re getting it more potent, purer, and cheaper from Mexico. The only way to really hit them where it hurts is to actually decrease the legal demand for ephedrine. That only happens when manufacturers change their formulas.

But it won’t happen. Because consumers don’t ask questions. Consumers don’t demand knowlege and input. Consumers just want the quick fix. And some (an ever-increasing number of) consumers just want a fix.

In the immortal words of Chris Rock:

“Ain’t nobody gonna give a blowjob to Orrin Hatch”

Well, maybe that’s because it’s illegal to have sex with someone who is that mentally handicapped? Then again, who’s worse, the retard, or the retards who elected him?

Rated a 3-2-1 for violence and very disturbing imagery. (which now officially falls into the Violence rating.) There was no foul language and sex only occurred offscreen, though there was some discussion of it.

Every magic trick has three parts; the Pledge, in which the magician sets the trick up, the Turn, in which he begins the trick, i.e. making someone disappear, and the Prestige, the “Ta-Da!” or making the same person reappear.

Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale play two magicians each set on becoming better and more famous than the other, or more sinisterly, set on ruining the others’ life.

This film had some beautiful themes and dark undertones. It was elegantly directed and well-performed; however, it was missing something. The “magic” was taken away by numerous extremely predictable twists and turns. The final twist, although also predictable, was great, though not well-executed. The way it was presented was very “…and then I woke up.”

It was, overall, a wonderful film, but there was some exposition aimed at the lowest common denominator, that mainly ruined the mystery for the rest of us.

This Film is Not Yet Rated was truly enlightening for me. I have always thought that the MPAA Ratings system was a complete waste of time for parents, but having now seen the extent to which those judging these films are NOT accountable for the ratings they give, I feel a strong desire to never see another movie.

Anyone with an open mind and a half a wit knows that violence is rated very generously while sexuality (partiularly homosexual sexuality) is rated very conservatively. An act of Love, even presented as such in a beautiful and optimistic light, is considered more damaging to our children than Uma Thurman chopping up 50 or so people, with arterial fountains spraying blood everywhere?

The ratings board, and particularly the appeals board, I have learned, is influenced strongly by religious leaders and conservative special interest groups. Sex is about love, or at least pleasure, (we’ll get to Rape later…) and is a daily part of most adults’ lives (even some religious conservatives’ lives, though they’d never admit it.) Violence is about fear and hate, and Conservative special interest groups are all about the fear and hate. In my opinion, violence is far more damaging to our children than sexuality. This is why the three categories should be rated separately; because some people disagree with me.

Of course, anyone who knows me knows that I will continue to go see movies, regardless of the flawed nature of the ratings system. So, I will start rating films based on my own system, judging as someone with a modest degree of experience with children, and a modest Degree in a mental health field. These ratings will be designed specifically and with no other purpose than to guide parents in choosing films for their children to see. I will not give an age range for any of these ratings. It is up to parents to see films and see what ratings they are comfortable with their children seeing at what age. I will use other films as precedents.

Films will be rated on the classic three categories: Violence, Sexuality, and Language, each rated on a scale of 1 to 5. As a general rule, though not in all cases, these will be the guidelines for these ratings:

Violence:
1- “Cartoonish” to use the MPAA’s word, or mild to no violence. No blood. NO MURDER. (Yes, I even mean The Good Guy killing all the faceless, nameless Bad Guy Minions.) We’re talking Shrek and Monsters, Inc. here, people.

2- Some blood is okay. “Implied murder,” such as explosions or off-screen gunshots is okay. Good Will Hunting would probably recieve a 2 for violence.

3- Most action films made these days would get this rating. Blood is okay. No Viscera. No mass murder. No Terror (Horror-genre movies would probably recieve a 4 or above consistently with me. I don’t think The Ring was appropriate for a 13 year old, and I would hope most people would agree with me, though the MPAA didn’t.)

4- Minimal viscera. Mass murder okay. Blood in any amount okay. Kill Bill is in this category. Saving Private Ryan is also a 4 in violence. Attempted rape. I can’t think of a situation in which rape would not recieve at least a 4, and it would have to be delicately done.

5- EXTREMELY violent. Viscera, Mass Murder, Body Parts, etc.

Sexuality:
1- Extremely mild to no sexuality. No “naughty bits.”

2- Implied sex is okay, but still no parts. Sexual contact with no nudity is okay. Empire Records might recieve a 2 in Sexuality.

3- Breasts and butt okay, no pubic areas. All sexual positions allowed, within the nudity restrictions. “Sweet sex,” not too raunchy. No group sex. (So call me a prude. Remember, these are the GUIDELINES I will be using, not law.)

4- ALL parts okay, group sex scenes okay. Prolonged 3-rated scenes might make a 4.

5- Go nuts, as long as it has “Artistic value” or some Government asswipe will call it porn.

Language:
1- Nothing that would make you laugh if a 3 year old said it.

2- “Crap” “Hell” “Damn” etc.

3- “Fuck” “Shit” “Ass” etc. Mild Vulgar sexual language.

4- LOTS of “Fuck” “Shit” and “Ass,” most Racial Slurs. Also, very vulgar sexual language.

5- Unreasonable amounts of “Fuck” “Shit” “Ass” and Racial slurs.

Here are some examples of some ratings:

Notting Hill: 1-3-2
Notes: Some sex jokes, reference to pornography, minor British swearwords, no violence.

Van Helsing: 3-1-1
Some violence and scary creature violence, no sexuality, no foul language.

Some ways an event may recieve a rating lower than the above-listed guidelines is if it is short, above the heads of a younger audience, (as in Wallace and Gromit) or used to demonstrate, in an age-appropriate way, why those things are bad. Higher ratings would be if the events are prolonged, extremely pointed, or are exascerbated by one of the other categories. For instance, Someone using a racial slur while killing someone could recieve a higher language rating due to the violence, or a higher violence rating due to the language.

If this system were adopted by the MPAA, I would expect the following changes to their current system:

Mostly Parents of school-age children, teachers, Some child behavior specialists, and, yes, even minimal clergy would be members of the panels. No industry professionals, no conflicts of interest. Although steps would be taken to keep these panel members from being influenced, (attempting to influence a panel member would result in the panel refusing to rate the film in question, for instance, or would result in an alternate, confidential panel to be appointed for that particular film, whose identities, profiles and votes would be revealed AFTER the rating was complete.) their identities and profiles would be made available to the public. Their votes in each category along with short commentary justifying their votes, should they have any, would also be available to the public.

The appeals process would go through another panel, similar to the first. Again, lots of transparency. Debate would be welcomed, precedents could be presented, and the panel would have to justify their ratings to the filmmakers.

Finally, and this is key: The Purpose of the Rating System would remain paramount, which is: This is a rating system for PARENTS to judge what they will allow THEIR CHILDREN to see. If people use it to judge what they wish to watch, that is their choice as adults. Marketing money and backing by a studio should not be contingent on recieving a specific rating. Parents should be responsible for knowing where their children are and what their children are watching, not the theatres. Theatres should not refuse to play a film that recieves a 5.

Last week, as I was driving to work, I noticed a Billboard that made me extremely nauseated. It basically insinuated that next to the definition of “Heart” in the dictionary was a picture of Orrin Hatch.

As though that wasn’t disgusting enough, on my way home the same day was a similar billboard, except instead of “Heart” the word was “Clout.”

Orrin Hatch usually doesn’t really come into my head all that often, as thinking about him tends to ruin my day, so, yesterday, when C and I were out walking C’s parent’s dogs in City Creek Canyon, and some wierd looking short man wearing an Olympic jacket and walking with a man in a suit said “Nice Dogs… How’re you folks doing today?” to us, it took me saying “Fine” and walking a few steps before I realized to whom I had just been civil. A few more steps, and one of the dogs did just exactly what I wanted to say, and all I wanted to do was run back up the canyon and throw it at him.

So, opportunity to give the man a piece of my mind passed, I really have to wonder why suddenly my life is full of Orrin Hatch. Some horrible crime committed in a prior life perhaps? Or, maybe it is my sacred duty to fight the evil at every turn…

So I made my own version of the billboard:

Today is our one-year anniversary. C is everything I ever dreamed of, and some things I thought I would never get. He is kind and loving. He is respectful and sweet. He compliments me. He does more than his share around the house. He accepts my flaws without judging. He points out my strengths without prompting.

He helps me achieve my goals and become the woman I want to be, not the woman he wants me to be. He listens and converses. He communicates. He is neither neurotic nor narcissistic, two things my exes have been pretty consistently. He is strong and sensitive and thoughtful and intelligent. He shares his life with me. He confesses his flaws to me, trusting that I will not judge him. He makes me feel safe and loved, trusted and supported. He wants to do good for others, not just himself.

… And he’s damned sexy.

To those drivers who make my blood pressure rise before I even reach work, who make me want to strangle the first person I see getting out of an automobile, or who make me want to walk the 15 mile commute;

1) In order to merge, you must be going THE SPEED OF TRAFFIC. This means, if you are going 40 mph, and the traffic on the freeway is going 65, you have no right to expect everyone to slam on their brakes simply because you got to the end of the onramp and turned on your blinker.

2) If you are unable or unwilling to go at least 65 miles per hour, you SHOULDN’T BE ON THE FREEWAY, much less in THE LEFT LANES.

3) If traffic to your right is moving the same speed or faster than you, MOVE OVER! “Fast Lane” is a misnomer. It is a PASSING lane. Use it for its purpose.

4) If traffic is flying past on both sides of you, SEE #2.

5) Lights and Sirens does not mean you will get to see dead people. DO NOT SLOW DOWN AND LOOK.

6) If you are behind someone who is behind someone else that should be reading #2, don’t tailgate the innocent party. That’s a good way to get in a pileup when Slowsky realizes at the last second that he needs to be three lanes over and biffs it.

7) Be in the correct lane early enough that you don’t have to cross 3 lanes of traffic in one go just to exit or turn.

8) Use your turn signal. It burns less than one tenth of a calorie to move your finger a couple inches; it can’t be that much trouble.

9) Being in front of all the other cars does not mean you will actually get there faster.

10) Turn into your own lane. (That’s the one closest to you.)

11) If all the traffic is in one lane, it’s because there’s something you can’t see or comprehend yet wrong with the other lane. Just take my word for it and merge. (Which does not mean driving right up to the problem, stopping, and turning on your signal. See #1.)

12) If an emergency vehicle is coming up behind you, PULL ALL THE WAY OVER. Do not try to outrun it, do not slam on your brakes and sit in the middle lanes, and do not pretend it’s not there. “EMERGENCY” vehicle is NOT a misnomer.